Catching Dreams
The thing is, as a young adult I never had a ‘dream job’ in mind—I only had a dream life in mind. I didn’t know what I wanted to do career wise, but I knew the kind of person I wanted to become and the type of life I wanted to live.
When I was a little girl I had big dreams, as most kids do. I wanted to be many things--a teacher, a singer, a dancer—I even think at some point I wanted to travel around the world working for Greenpeace rescuing sea animals. I remember being in the first grade and making a video with my class where each child had to answer the question: what do you want to be when you grow up? Most kids gave the typical answers you’d expect: I want to be a teacher. I want to be a doctor. I want to be a police officer. Then one girl on the video said she wanted to be a horse. Watching the video on the morning announcements later that week you could hear the whole school burst into laughter—Jennifer wants to be a horse. How funny. Doesn’t she know you can’t grow up and become a horse?!
When I got older and entered college the tune changed. All of a sudden, my dreams were minimized to just that—dreams. I no longer believed I could be a singer or a dancer. I no longer dreamed of rescuing endangered animals. And after a few semesters of education courses that I barely passed, I ruled out a teaching career as well. I stuck to what I knew I could excel at and declared myself as an English major. After graduating from college, I did what many do when they don’t know what to do with their degrees—I went into pharmaceutical sales. To the world’s standards it looked like I was ‘living the dream’. I married my high school sweetheart and was able to support him through law school. As a young professional I was killing it with numerous promotions and raises, awards and accolades, and monthly commission checks that were often more than my husband was making once he started practicing law-- and yet a voice inside me whispered that something was missing.
At thirty I became a mom and that’s when the little voice inside of me got so much louder. I just wanted to be home with my babies. I would see other moms, stay-at-homes or working part-time, and I would feel jealous. I would hang out with all the other full-time working moms and would relate to their shared struggles at home and in the workplace, but when they spoke about their careers there was always a twinkle in their eyes. I never had that twinkle. I would pay my children’s nanny at the end of each week and feel resentful. I would see my little boys growing older so quickly and I felt like I was missing out on so much of it. I had always dreamed of being a mom, but not like this. As I approached my thirteenth year of working at that same sales job, I felt like a boiling pot of water, that if left on the stove one more second would overflow. I had to get out!
Here is what I have finally learned—not all dreams come with a paycheck or a reward or an ounce of recognition. Once I was able to admit to myself that my dreams weren’t tied to a job or career (at least not yet) everything became so much clearer for me. My main dream in my thirties was simply to be a mom (a mom who sings and dances with her children, who teaches them every chance she gets, and who instills in her children a love for all animals too). All the things that spoke to my soul as a little girl are still very much a part of me. Then three years ago when I left my job, I started to dream of becoming a writer. Once I was able to fully focus on my dreams and give them the attention they required, everything slowly started to fall into place and even more dreams began to emerge from it.
We often speak interchangeably about our ‘dreams’ and our ‘jobs’, as if they are one in the same. As children we confuse what we want to do for a living someday, with what we dream of doing or accomplishing in life. If asked the question today: what do you want to be when you grow up—I’d answer with one word: Whole. I want to be whole.
Sometimes people land their ‘dream job’ and get to work each day of their lives doing exactly what they were born to do, and get paid for it. But for the rest of us—the people who aren’t currently working or who are in jobs that are a far cry from their ‘dreams’—you aren’t doing anything wrong—you’re not missing the mark. I look at the 40-year-old who just wrote their first novel, the 60-year-old who just learned to surf, the 80-year-old who just picked up a paint brush and put it to canvas for the first time ever–these are what dreams are made of. This is what inspires me to keep on track.
Here’s the thing- The world only accepts certain dreams as being ‘dream worthy’. A child wishing to one day become a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, or even an astronaut—these are great dreams to have, says the world. Other dreams, like being a mom (my ultimate dream) or being a horse (Jennifer’s dream) don’t fit society’s standards. Dreaming to just be a parent isn’t big enough, grand enough, ‘dreamy’ enough. Dreaming to be a horse is too far-fetched--or maybe a better comparison--dreaming to be an NBA player, like my older son dreams of. Having ‘lofty’ dreams like this makes it easy for others to be dismissive of them. This is why for years I kept all of my dreams to myself. I didn’t want to admit to the world that my dreams were pretty simple ones. To be a mom. To be present in my children’s lives the way my mom was in mine. To be a writer. To be true to myself. To do the things that make me want to jump out of bed each morning and that are fulfilling to every fiber of my being.
Ask anyone who you view as ‘living their dream’ how many times they were told “no” along the way. How many times did they fail? How many reasons they were given as to why they couldn’t possibly reach their dream. And how they reached it despite the odds stacked against them.
You think you could grow up to be a horse, Jennifer? Let me tell you why that will never happen for you. Let me tell you why you could never be that.
Sound familiar?
In addition to my nine-year-old who dreams of playing in the NBA, I also have a seven-year-old whose dream is to play in the MLB. They are both amazing athletes and they practice every single day. They would practice all day, every day, if they could. While my husband and I are so proud of their level of dedication and drive, odds are (based on genetics alone) our children probably won’t end up fulfilling these particular dreams. I have no doubt they will find new dreams as they get older (as many of our dreams grow and shift right along with us) …but you’ll never hear either one of us telling them they can’t. That sort of talk isn’t welcomed in our house. As their parents our job is to support their healthy dreams (the grand ones, the simple ones, the logical ones, the illogical ones, the crazy ones and the REAL crazy ones). It is not our job to talk them out of them or to convince them that it will never happen. What good comes from that?
The minute I stopped working in sales I felt like myself again. I immediately got back into writing after many years of a hiatus—I came running back to it like a long-lost friend. Writing so much that was pent up inside of me for so long but never could find the time or energy to fully let it all out. It’s been a beautiful journey of self-discovery for me. I feel in many ways like I am returning to my younger self, back to my roots. I feel a sense of ease with each day that was impossible to feel when I was swimming against the current, in a job that wasn’t “me”, just trying to keep my head above the water.
Now I get to live a life of vulnerability, truth, and transparency. A life built around my interests and dreams. A life of meaning and purpose-- as a woman who wears many hats, has many titles, goes by many names, has many stories, consists of many layers and dreams, many dreams. I wake up each morning with gratitude in my heart and I go to bed each night with a greater sense of self and fulfillment.
Here is what I want you to remember about dreams:
You never stop dreaming throughout life.
Dreams evolve and change right along with you.
It is okay to let go of a dream that no longer fits.
You can have more than one dream at a time.
What could be no big deal to someone, could be a dream come true to another.
You don’t have to explain your dreams to anyone. Not everyone will understand them and that’s okay.
Stop comparing.
Most dreams take time, hard work and discipline.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you and want to see your dreams actualized.
Kick any self-doubt to the curb.
Do the things that give you that twinkle in your eyes.
Most importantly: Say your dreams out loud. Admit them to yourself. Own them. Believe they can and will happen.
If you dream to sing, say you’re a singer. Be a singer.
If you dream to dance, say you’re a dancer. Be a dancer.
If you dream to write, say you’re a writer. Be a writer.
If you dream of being wild and free, say you’re a horse. Be a horse!
